The First 30 Days of Divorce
What you should (and shouldn't) do during the first 30 days after deciding to divorce.
Making the decision to divorce is rarely impulsive. For most people, it follows months, sometimes years, of reflection, frustration, and emotional exhaustion. But once the decision is made, many feel overwhelmed by one pressing question: What do I do now?
The first 30 days after deciding to divorce are critical. The choices you make during this period can significantly impact your financial future, your custody arrangements, and your emotional well-being. This week’s blog talks about some of the key considerations to keep in mind as you enter this critical period.
Pause Before Making it Public
While it may feel tempting, even urgent, to tell family members and friends or even post about your decision online, you should resist that impulse. Remember, that anything you say, especially when saying it in writing, can later be used in court. Social media posts, emails, and text messages are frequently introduced as evidence during divorce proceedings.
Instead, you should speak privately with a qualified divorce attorney before making formal announcements.
Gather Financial Information Quietly
Knowledge is power in divorce. You should begin gathering copies of bank statements, credit card statements, mortgage documents, tax returns from the last two to three years, retirement and investment account statements, and business records if applicable.
You should not remove original documents or attempt to hide assets. The goal during this stage is to become informed, not to retaliate and add fuel to the fire. If you suspect that income or assets are being hidden, an experienced attorney can guide you through the appropriate legal channels to discover and use that information.
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Avoid Major Financial Decisions
One of the most common early mistakes is making dramatic financial changes out of fear or anger. This can include draining joint accounts, canceling credit cards, quitting a job, or making large purchases.
These actions can appear vindictive or financially reckless, and courts often disfavor behavior that destabilizes the marital estate. If you are concerned about protecting funds or limiting financial exposure, you should consult an attorney before taking any significant action.
Prioritize Your Children’s Stability
If you have children, the court’s primary concern will be their best interests. During this early phase, you should maintain normal routines as much as possible. Try to avoid speaking negatively about the other partner while in front of the children. Communication should always remain focused on their needs, rather than on the marital conflict that led to the divorce. It is also wise to document your involvement in daily care, including school responsibilities, medical appointments, and extracurricular activities.
Remember, Judges tend to take note of which parent fosters stability, cooperation, and consistency when it comes to child custody concerns.
Secure Digital Privacy
You may want to consider changing the passwords on your email accounts, cloud storage, social media accounts, and your phone passcodes. This ensures that your privacy stays secured throughout the beginning of your divorce proceedings, when a panicking or upset spouse may be trying to get a better picture of what you are thinking.
Some clients even create a new private email account for communications with their attorney. When researching divorce or communicating about legal matters, you should always try to avoid using shared devices, if possible.
Strategically Build a Support System
Divorce is emotionally demanding, you should not navigate it alone. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide a safe and constructive outlet. Leaning on a trusted friend or joining a support group can also help you process the transition.
However, you should be cautious about relying on friends as legal advisors. Well-meaning advice is often based on different states, financial circumstances, or custody situations. Every divorce is unique, and legal strategy should be tailored to your specific situation.
Consult a Divorce Attorney Early
Many people wait too long to seek legal advice, sometimes after costly mistakes have already been made. An early consultation can help you understand your rights, protect your assets, develop a custody strategy, avoid preventable errors, and reduce anxiety by clarifying the process.
Even if you are unsure whether you will ultimately file for divorce, having accurate information empowers you to make confident and strategic decisions.
Common Mistakes Made in the First 30 Days
Here at Douglas Family Law Group, PLLC, we oversee many divorces. Over the last decade, we have seen several common mistakes made during the first 30 days that have had adverse effects on either our client, or their spouse. You should think twice before moving out of the marital home without first understanding the potential custody and financial implications. You should also not attempt to secret money or conceal assets, as this can have serious adverse effects on your divorce litigation.
We have also seen several clients and their spouses use children as messengers between parents. This can be catastrophic to the children’s well being, and should be avoided as such. It is always best to not let anger drive your parenting decisions, and Judges and opposing counsels will take note of any history of letting emotions get the best of you, at the expense of your child.
The final, and often most crucial, mistake we have seen individuals make as they approach a divorce is relying on free advice or advice from internet sources. Just like any other legal battle, it is always the best idea to meet with a qualified divorce attorney, such as our office, to understand your options and start building your winning legal strategy as your navigate your divorce.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is not simply a legal event, it is a financial and emotional transition. The first 30 days may feel chaotic, but with thoughtful preparation and sound legal guidance, you can protect your future and approach the process strategically rather than reactively.
If you are considering divorce or have recently made the decision, speaking with an experienced divorce attorney can provide clarity and direction during this critical time. Contact our office today to get your initial consultation with one of our divorce and family law experts scheduled. At Douglas Family Law Group, PLLC, we fight for what’s most important to you during divorce and family law matters.
