Navigating Thanksgiving After A Divorce
Thanksgiving is traditionally a holiday centered on gratitude, family, and being together. But, for divorced or divorcing parents, the season can bring a very different mix of emotions. Often, parents report having anxiety about the parenting schedule, sadness over the loss of old traditions, and stress about coordinating with a co-parent. Some clients also feel fear about being alone during a holiday that has always previously been all about family unity.
If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, you’re not alone. As New York Divorce lawyers, we regularly hear from clients who are nervous about the upcoming holidays, and particularly Thanksgiving. For many, Thanksgiving can be the “first big hurdle” after separation. Whether this is your first Thanksgiving post-divorce, or you’ve been co-parenting for years, it’s normal for emotions to run high. With thoughtful planning, clear communication, and the right legal guidance, however, the day can still be meaningful, joyful, and peaceful for both you and your children.
This week’s blog is all about how to navigate Thanksgiving during or after a divorce, grounded in practical strategies and New York family law considerations.
Start With the Parenting Plan
New York parenting plans typically outline holiday schedules in advance, including whether a parent has Thanksgiving in alternating years, splits the day, or alternates the long weekend. If you already have a court-ordered schedule or a written agreement, that document should guide how Thanksgiving is navigated. But, Thanksgiving is still one of the most emotionally charged days of the year, and minor adjustments can sometimes make a big difference in reducing conflict.
You’ll want to confirm the schedule early. Reach out to your co-parent ahead of the holiday to avoid last-minute surprises and misunderstandings. Coordinate pick-up and drop-off details, since holiday traffic and travel will only provide more last-minute surprises and delays. Since Thanksgiving meals rarely run on schedule, factor this into your travel plans as well. But also remember, if you are the one picking up the kids after a Thanksgiving dinner – give them the space to enjoy their time with the other parent and their family. Successful co-parenting is all about ensuring the kids are happy and thriving, not being spiteful over missed holiday time.
If your co-parent refuses to follow the agreed-upon schedule, or there is a pattern of interference with your parenting time, a New York divorce and family law attorney can help you understand your legal remedies and next steps.
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Prioritize the Children’s Experience
Remember, your children are the emotional center of the holiday. They will take their cues from you by looking at your tone, your attitude, and even your body language. Try your best not to give any “tells” that show your upset or discomfort with the changing holiday traditions. It’s more important that your kids have an enjoyable time with their family than it is to have a picture perfect gathering.
If this is the first Thanksgiving after separation, children may be unsure which home to associate with the holiday. This is where you communication, reassurance, and warmth matter more than ever.
Keep adult emotions between the adults. You children should never feel like they need to choose between you or your co-parent. So, don’t interrogate the kids when they return back from your co-parent’s house. Let them share at their own pace, as they are comfortable. You can encourage the joint holidays by asking them what they enjoyed the most about Thanksgiving at the other parent’s house, and affirming that it’s okay to enjoy Thanksgiving without you or the other co-parent present. Remind them that it is just one day out of the year – there are plenty other days to have joyous holiday gatherings. In any case, never show your children that you are sad you did not spend the holiday with them. Simply tell them “I missed you, but I’m so glad you had a wonderful holiday”. Always remember, children thrive when both parents support their relationship with the other parent. Never engage in alienation or manipulation, as this is not only unhealthy for the child, but can also land you in legal hot-water.
Create New Traditions That Feel Joyful, Not-Forced
Divorce often marks the end of many family traditions, and it’s okay and natural to mourn that loss. But, it’s also an opportunity to reimagine and reinvent Thanksgiving in a way that reflects who you are now. Don’t be scared to embrace this reinvention of your holiday: Children typically embrace novelty and feel empowered when they get to help shape new traditions with you.
Here are some helpful tips for reimagining Thanksgiving traditions:
- A “gratitude walk” in the morning;
- Cooking a new dish together – there are so many side dishes to choose from!
- Hosting “friendsgiving” with some close family friends and their kids;
- Making handmade place cards/decorations;
- Going to a Thanksgiving Day Parade, or watching the Macy’s parade together;
- Volunteering at a community meal, or donating a child’s allowance with them;
- Creating a yearly memory jar.
Remember that what matters most is not the activity itself, but the warmth, consistency, and togetherness you build around it.
Manage Financial Stress Proactively
For many newly divorced parents, Thanksgiving is the start of a holiday season that can feel financially overwhelming. Hosting dinners, buying food, traveling, and gift-giving can quickly add up. Don’t let the financial stress cause you to project negative feelings around your kids this holiday season. Budget early, avoid comparing holiday plans and gifts to your co-parents, and use the holiday schedule to plan affordable travel.
If This is Your “Off Year”, Make a Plan for Yourself
Not every parent has Thanksgiving parenting time every year. It is common that agreements alternate depending on whether a year is “even” or “odd”. If this your year without the kids, it can feel jarring, particularly when it is your first holiday without them. Many parents describe this as one of the hardest emotional moments post-divorce, but we have found that planning ahead can help significantly.
Make some plans with friends or extended family, take a day-trip, volunteer in your local community, and avoid isolation. Remember that Thanksgiving is just a day, and you can always have a special Thanksgiving celebration with your children the next day. A holiday without your children does not diminish your relationship with them. Traditions shift, but your bond with your children remains constant.
If Conflict Arises, Take the High Road
For some families, despite either parent’s best efforts, no amount of planning will prevent conflict. If your co-parent has a history of violating agreements, refusing to cooperate with you, or escalating tensions, take steps to protect yourself and your peace.
Always communicate in writing, when possible. This creates a clear record and can show that you always stay child-focused and neutral in your responses. Remember, judges tend to respect parents who prioritize the children’s well-being, particularly in the face of contentious conflict with another co-parent. Avoid last-minute requests unless they are truly necessary, as when dealing with a particularly combative co-parent, these last-minute changes can spark conflict and tension. If there is a last minute change that is inevitable, document any lateness, missed exchanges, or denied parenting time, and contact your attorneys as soon as you can.
If you’re not already using a co-parenting app, consider using a court-approved one. Our office frequently recommends Our Family Wizard, and Talking Parents to our clients. These apps provide neutral avenues for co-parents to communicate with one another. They also protect neutrality, as any messages shared in the app are saved permanently for future use.
Take Care of Your Own Emotional Health
Throughout the Thanksgiving holiday, remember what Thanksgiving is actually about – gratitude, connection, and reflection. Even if your year was marked by a difficult divorce or custody dispute, you can still find moments of meaning and peace.
Also remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Thanksgiving can amplify optional. Talk to a therapist or counselor, limit your exposure to stressful family dynamics, and let go of your desire to have the picture-perfect holiday. It is natural to want to have a perfect, Hallmark approved holiday. But remember, this is not always possible, and it doesn’t take away from a non-traditional holiday. Say “no” when you need to protect your boundaries and allow yourself to feel both gratitude and grief, they can coexist.
Divorce reshapes life in profound ways, and holidays often highlight that change. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up without judgment. To help identify small moments of gratitude that may be clouded in the emotions surrounding a first Thanksgiving without the kids, consider some of the following things to be grateful for:
- Your children’s resilience;
- Your strength in navigating a hard season;
- The new traditions you’re building;
- Supportive friends, family, or professionals;
- A healthier, more peaceful life after leaving a difficult or combative marriage.
Learning to appreciate these moments, particularly in the midst of a changing holiday, is a powerful step toward healing and embracing your new chapter.
We’re Here For You
Thanksgiving after a divorce is different, but different can still be deeply meaningful. With preparation, flexibility, and the right support, you can create a holiday that feels grounded, peaceful, and focused on what matters most – your children’s happiness and your own emotional wellbeing.
If you need help resolving Thanksgiving parenting disputes, modifying a holiday schedule, or understanding your rights, our experienced New York Divorce and Family law team is here to help. We are committed to protecting your family, your peace, and your future – during the holidays and every day of the year. Contact us today to get started.
