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How to Prepare for a Divorce

Whether they are the ones initiating the divorce, or the ones that have been served with a divorce action, many of our clients come to us with the following questions: “How do I prepare for a divorce?” This week’s blog covers the key considerations you should keep in mind when at the beginning phases of a divorce. We will talk about the best way to approach the topic of divorce with your spouse, what to do ahead of filing for your divorce, and what to do once you have received divorce papers from your spouse.

What to do Before Filing for Divorce

The initial phases of the divorce can oftentimes be overwhelming and stressful. While this is understandable, it is important to begin preparing for the long-haul from the moment you are made aware of the divorce action, or determine that you would like to move forward with a divorce. Here are some key steps to take as you prepare to file:

1. Document everything

The first thing to do, regardless of if you are the one serving the divorce papers or the one receiving the divorce papers, is to document everything. Some documentation you will want to be sure to collect are:

 

  • Bank account statements
  • Retirement account statements 401(k)
  • Investment account statements
  • Police reports (if applicable)
  • Childcare expenses
  • Formal communications (such as texts and emails)

2. Establish Your Goals

Another important consideration as you prepare to file for a divorce establishing your ultimate goals. Take a moment to imagine what your life may look like once you and your spouse have parted ways. Do you want to keep the marital home? What type of custody arrangement do you believe will work best for you and your children? What are your thoughts on relocating following your divorce? All of these questions will present you with major points in your settlement negotiations and help you to keep track of your end-goal as you continue through the divorce process.

 

Remember that this is temporary. It will often seem overwhelming and stressful, but remembering these goals and the future you’re envisioning will help you to continue through these hard times. Always discuss your goals with your divorce attorney, as they will be able to shape your case’s legal strategy to best align with your goals.

3. Meet With an Experienced Divorce Attorney

As you document everything and imagine your potential future without your spouse, it is important to review your documentation and thoughts with an experienced divorce attorney. Your divorce attorney will help to pull out the helpful points of information that can advance your interests and long-term goals. While it may be tempting to go pro se, or without representation, a skilled attorney is worth every dollar. 

When to tell your spouse you want a divorce

Before mentioning your intentions to file for divorce, you should really consider your motives for proceeding with a divorce. Even when it has been discussed before, officially moving forward with a divorce will often lead to a strong emotional response from your spouse. This is especially true when the news will be unexpected from you. While you should not feel guilty for wanting to move forward with a divorce, you should be certain that you want to move ahead with one and be aware of the emotional damage it may inflict on the other party.

 

If you are uncertain if divorce is the best decision for you to go through with, you may want to consider seeing a therapist that specializes in relationships and marriage. If you and your spouse are serious about reconciling any differences or conflicts that may be a driving force for your divorce considerations, you can always consider couple’s therapy. This can also help to soften the blow of telling your spouse that you have filed for a divorce. If you go to a therapist together to work on your marriage, they will likely know what your primary concerns are in the marriage and that you are unhappy with the current dynamic.

 

If you do not choose to move forward with a therapist, it is always a good idea to explain your thought process behind your desire for a divorce. If you approach your partner with your concerns about the marriage and your relationship, they may be less likely to feel blindsided or betrayed when you inform them of your firm decision to move forward with a divorce. It will also foster a sense of understanding with your spouse that may reduce negative emotions, which often lead to messy and contentious divorces.

 

It is important to also remember that the person you are divorcing was at one point a person you loved deeply and wanted to build a future with. No one gets married with the intent to go through a divorce. Remember that the person you are divorcing is someone you respected and loved for a period of time, no matter how hard a divorce may seem, or how angry you may be during the divorce.

 

As previously mentioned, understanding the other person’s emotions is a particularly important consideration as you begin the divorce process. Improper and emotionally charged interactions with your spouse during divorce can lead to a drawn-out and contentious divorce process. If you enter into the divorce from a point of respect and maturity, your divorce is more likely to remain more efficient. There is no such thing as a pleasant divorce, however, your divorce does not necessarily need to become intense and emotionally charged.

What if I Feel Bad For Wanting a Divorce?

While it is a completely normal feeling to have guilt when moving forward with a divorce from your spouse, it is important to remember that you are making this hard decision for you and your future. Everyone deserves to live their life happily and without the added stress of a damaged relationship. If your current marriage is holding you back and is not something that can be repaired, a divorce may be the best option to break “free” and write your next chapter on your terms.

 

It is important that your decision to divorce your spouse is not a reflection on a particular event or occurrence, but rather a well-thought out decision that you have reached after some reflection and careful consideration.

 

We're Here For You

As we’ve discussed in this blog, divorce is never easy. Engaging a skilled divorce attorney can provide the expertise needed to navigate the complexities of divorce and ensure your rights are protected. 

 

As experienced divorce and family law attorneys, our office is skilled at moving cases along efficiently, while still ensuring your interests are represented in your agreement. In addition to a skilled and experienced attorney, it is also important that you work with experienced mental health professionals. They can help you navigate this uncertain period of your life with grace and clarity.

 

If you are ready to move forward with a divorce or a separation agreement, we are here for you. The decision that you reach following your therapy sessions will help allow you to create the next chapter of your life with understanding, clarity, and purpose. Our dedicated and experienced attorneys will make sure that your interests and needs are heard and advocated for throughout the litigation/settlement process. Our mission is to protect what’s most important to you. You can reach us at info@douglaslaw.com for more information, or call us at 914.615.9058.

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