Divorcing a Narcissist: Why it Costs More Money
Divorce is never fun, but when you’re divorcing a narcissist, it can turn into an absolute nightmare. If you thought splitting up was just about dividing assets and moving on, think again. A narcissist doesn’t just want to end the marriage—they want to win. And their idea of winning? Dragging you through an expensive, emotionally draining legal battle that seems to have no end.
A contested divorce—where both spouses can’t agree on important issues like child custody, asset division, or alimony—already costs more money than an uncontested divorce. But when one of those spouses is a narcissist? Buckle up, because they’ll fight tooth and nail over every little thing, driving up costs at every turn. Lawyers, court fees, forensic accountants, custody evaluators, and even therapists—you’ll need a whole team just to survive.
So, why does divorcing a narcissist cost so much more? Let’s break it down.
The Narcissist Mindset: Why They Make Divorce So Expensive
Before we get into the financial toll, let’s talk about why a narcissist makes everything so difficult in the first place. People with narcissistic traits are often:
Obsessed with control
Manipulative and deceitful
Completely lacking in empathy
Entitled beyond belief
Willing to fight just for the sake of fighting
A normal divorce is hard enough, but with a narcissist, it becomes a battle royale. They see divorce as an attack on their ego, so they’ll do whatever it takes to “win”—even if it means destroying you financially in the process.
How Narcissists Drive Up Divorce Costs
They Drag It Out for As Long As Possible
The longer the divorce takes, the more you’ll have to pay. Narcissists thrive on keeping you stuck in legal limbo, filing endless motions, challenging every decision, and refusing to cooperate. This means more time in court, more billable hours for attorneys, and more money down the drain.
They Refuse to Settle
Most couples aim to reach a fair settlement to avoid a long court battle. Not a narcissist! They don’t care about fairness. They want to punish you, and they’ll reject even the most reasonable offers just to make you suffer. This means you’re forced into a long, drawn-out fight that costs you thousands more than necessary.
They Hire the Most Aggressive (and Expensive) Lawyers
Narcissists love surrounding themselves with aggressive attorneys who share their “win at all costs” mindset. These lawyers will use every legal trick in the book to keep the battle going, racking up massive legal fees for both sides. And just when you think you’re making progress, your ex might fire their lawyer and hire someone new—starting the whole process over again.
They Play Dirty: False Allegations & Smear Campaigns
One of the most expensive (and devastating) tactics a narcissist uses is making false accusations. Whether it’s claims of abuse, neglect, or financial misconduct, you’ll have to spend a fortune defending yourself. This could mean hiring expert witnesses, forensic accountants, or even private investigators just to clear your name.
They Use the Kids as Weapons
If you have children, brace yourself. A narcissist will do everything in their power to use them against you. Custody battles are already expensive, but when one parent refuses to cooperate, it becomes a never-ending war. They might accuse you of being an unfit parent, demand unnecessary custody evaluations, or even try to turn the kids against you.
They Hide Money & Manipulate Finances
If your narcissistic spouse was in control of the finances during the marriage, you can bet they’re not going to be transparent during the divorce. They might hide assets, underreport income, or suddenly claim they’re broke to avoid paying alimony or child support. Uncovering their financial lies often requires hiring forensic accountants, which adds even more to your costs.
They Weaponize the Court System
For narcissists, the legal system is just another tool for control. They’ll file frivolous motions, appeal every decision, and drag you back to court over the smallest things. Every time they pull one of these stunts, you have to pay your lawyer to respond—which means more money out of your pocket.
The Emotional Toll Adds Up Too
While this isn’t a direct financial cost, don’t underestimate the emotional and psychological toll of divorcing a narcissist. Stress, anxiety, and constant legal battles can impact your health, work performance, and overall well-being. Many people end up needing therapy or even taking time off work, which can lead to lost income.
How to Protect Yourself Financially
So, how do you fight back without going bankrupt? Here are some key strategies:
Get a Lawyer Who Knows Narcissists
Not all divorce lawyers are equipped to deal with high-conflict personalities. Find an attorney who understands narcissistic behavior and knows how to counter their tactics without wasting time and money.
Get Everything in Writing
Narcissists lie—constantly. Keep a detailed record of all communication, finances, and interactions. Use email or court-approved messaging apps instead of phone calls to prevent them from twisting your words.
Hire a Forensic Accountant If Needed
If you suspect financial deception, don’t hesitate to bring in a forensic accountant. Yes, it costs money upfront, but uncovering hidden assets could save you a fortune in the long run.
Use a Parenting Coordinator for Custody Issues
To reduce conflict and legal costs, consider requesting a court-appointed parenting coordinator. They can help manage custody disputes without dragging everything back to court.
Set Firm Boundaries & Stay Emotionally Detached
Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions. The less you engage in their games, the faster you can move forward. Stick to business-like communication and refuse to be baited into arguments.
Consider a Divorce Coach or Therapist
Having a professional help you navigate the emotional side of the divorce can prevent costly mistakes. A divorce coach or therapist can help you stay focused and avoid getting sucked into unnecessary fights.
Stay Focused on the End Goal
Yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, it’s expensive. But at the end of the day, the goal is to get out and move on. Don’t let their drama drag you down—stay focused on your freedom.
We're Here For You
Divorcing a narcissist is one of the most draining, expensive experiences you’ll ever go through. They will fight dirty, drag out the process, and do everything in their power to make you suffer. But with the right strategy, support system, and legal team, you can come out the other side stronger—and free.
If you’re going through a divorce with a narcissist, remember: you’re not alone. Get the best legal and emotional support you can afford, stay smart, and keep your eyes on the finish line. The financial cost is temporary, but your peace and freedom? That’s priceless. With over a decade of experience in complex matrimonial law, our attorneys have developed winning strategies that can help you understand what a divorce can mean for you and your family, while ensuring that your interests are properly advocated for and advanced in court. Call us today at 914.615.9058 today to set up your tailored consultation, or submit our web-form to have us contact you. At Douglas Family Law Group, PLLC, we fight for what’s most important to YOU during divorce and family law matters.
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